"Yes I stopped them, and therefore I proved that self-forgiveness was the tool with self-honesty within which one can affect a real transformation in the physical while here in limited form. And that set the scene to a most astounding experience where the demonic were explored over a long period of time of about a year and a half where I set out to help every demon I can, no matter what unconditionally, to find self-forgiveness."
And I could see that because I mean with self-forgiveness you develop quite an intense intimacy and for the first time I could actually embrace with understanding a relationship and truly work at making it work.
So, to my great surprise approximately a year later, my ex wife said she can’t handle it, she wants to move on and she’s met someone else. So I was in absolute shock because we have absolutely discussed the point, we’ve done the self-forgiveness and to me self-forgiveness is an absolute re-birth – obviously it wasn’t so for her.
And I had a discussion with Chief and I wanted to know how could God’s will – because the words used to me was that it was God’s will that we could do our marriage again – how could God’s will not be absolute was my question. There was silence and the answer that came is that she’s got free choice, and I said how could free choice override God’s will? I absolutely could not understand that because to me the obvious was that as long as free choice exists, man exist as ‘’less than, as a demonic force within where they can allow evil to exist and have the choice to choose evil.
But once you have made the choice for God equal and one, or as at that stage I saw it as image and likeness not equal and one, then there is no more choice, that’s the path you walk, that is what I was walking.
The shock was immense. So I realized that my very foundation, my trust in God and God ’s will and in his absolute perfection was shaken. I went on a trip to a Namibia and was in a state of shock where everything inside was dead, there was nothing, I couldn’t find anything. I was breathing, I was a piece of meat, I was speaking, I was doing but there was no feeling whatsoever – I equated that to death, because it’s like something dies. And this experience, this point of free choice, this in essence relationship with God then became one that was no longer one in trust. I was still walking, but understanding that choice could separate man from God. And I would have to walk with that understanding and not be able to have or be in a relationship or experience, such an absolute level of commitment until I have clearly proven to myself that I was in fact walking the image and likeness of God and I was in fact self-fulfilled.
So I started walking within that context, but the change was now absolute. I couldn’t return to my old life, I couldn’t do what I did before. The decisions I made stuck, if I tried to go back I couldn’t. The pain and discomfort was too immense, it was a physical resistance to go back to the old existence.
So I decided to completely submerge myself within finding a solution for this world and placing that first and everything else subject to that, because if that point was satisfied, all would have what is best for all. This was approximately 1995 - fascinating isn’t it? Now nearly 16 years ago.
